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About Varied / Hobbyist SamFemale/United States Groups :iconsupernaturalparkrp: SupernaturalParkRP
Saving People, Hunting Things
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Deviant for 4 Years
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mysterinot
Sam
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
Marching Band Stamp by sugarpoultrySaxophone by pjukMulti Instrumentalist Stamp by oldmanbassoonComposer STAMP by grace-noteDrumline Stamp by FallenUmbrellafermata stamp by thechaosprojectUndertale stamp ( flowey by Ozeisoul
White Rose (L) by AngelicHellraiserBand Geeks by MenchieeeWhite Rose (R) by AngelicHellraiser

I enjoy binge watching TV shows.
I'm the lamest alto/tenor saxophone player you'll ever meet. Honor Winds SECTION LEADER. Owner of a great cymbal line. Total band nerd, oops.

I'm never online(:
But enjoy my once in a while doodles/ficlets.

why can't i ever be the starring role? why do i always have to be the supporting role? i can never have someone think of me as their #1 priority. i'm just their ragdoll, their doormat, their piece of gum. 
i want nothing more but to be important to somebody but i can't ever get that satisfaction. 
i just get used so much.
i get thrown away by many that just needed somebody to look after them until they've completely healed.
then the dumbasses go back to those that hurt them and that honestly pisses me off so much.  
why can't i ever find peace in mind?
why can't i ever have something to be happy about?
there's always a reason why i'm sad every single day.
i'm tired of feeling this way.
i want change.
i can't ever get change.
all i can run to now is my music but even that, doesn't make me feel better.  
everybody uses me.
everybody disposes of me.
can't you stop?
appreciate my kindness for once.
i give you nothing more than attention, love, and care 
and this is what you do to me. 
i don't want to be the supporting role anymore.
i want to be the starring role in somebody's heart, please.
i need happiness.
but nobody can supply it for me for i have supplied them with it.
they used up every single drop that contained my dignity and spilled it across the floor to see my suffer.
that's what they love to see.
see the one who loves them suffer.
sadist. 
i want things to be better. 
i want to learn that i can't trust everybody. 
i want to feel bliss. 
but i'm stuck in a never ending cycle of regret.
i regret everything.
i regret all the things i gave to them.
i want everything back.
i want my happiness back more than ever.
but they'll keep it from me.
they will always keep it away from me and trash it
just like they trashed me.
i hate being in this disposition.
i want to break free.
i can't ever break free. 
i want to happy.
that's all i ask for.
i want things to go well.
i don't want to be insecure anymore.
i don't want to worry about anything.
i want to move on and be happy.
why can't i ever get what i want?
i've given you everything and this is what you do to me.
i can't fathom how broken i am now.
i can't smile my problems away.
there's always a way for them to flood back into my mind.
someone turns on the faucet in my eyes where everybody can see.
i'm pouring out and no one can save me. 
i've shut myself out to them.
i can't trust anyone anymore.
i should've listened to those who cared about my well-being.
but i didn't foresee this coming so soon.
i regret defending you.  
i hate seeing you ignore me.
i hate that you can't say that you love me anymore.
leave your past behind they said.
you never listened.
you decided to screw over, yet again another person.
i hope you're happy.
when you come back,
don't you DARE apologize for what harm you've caused.
you did it already. 
it's unforgivable.
i'll never forget.
please leave me alone.
and don't look for me anymore.
leave me behind.
and go with your past that's kept you captive no matter how many times i've rescued you from it.

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